How depression is saving the world!

My depressive disorder forced me to live in darkness. I didn't want the lights on, I didn't want to open my eyes. I just wanted to be horizontal and unconscious. This is not being said to evoke poor pity me feelings. I got through it, so have millions of others. However, in retrospect, this depressive disorder of mine has put me in the habits that many are calling the "going green" phenomena. By having a chemical imbalance years ago I have unknowingly become an environmentalist.

Need proof?

How depression helped me adopt the habits of an environmentalist:

• Sat in the dark, thus conserving energy spent on lighting.
• Enjoyed being cuddled up and smothered in blankets, pillows, and anything shielding them from the outside world. This saves on heating costs.
• Often laid around and didn't want to go anywhere. You can't burn a hole in the ozone layer if you don't use your car anymore!
• Would only eat when I was awake. Which was not a lot. So I wasn't gaining weight, thus saving on fabrics because I wouldn't have to buy larger sizes. This is one less pair of jeans that will use dyes and unnatural fibers to be trendy. And one less product to be developed by an underpaid worker- which hopefully gave them enough free time to plant a tree.

The reasons why I still enjoy the dark:

• I'm saving the Earth with the above reasons.
• The dark allows you to focus on one object, giving it your full attention and freeing your mind of distractions.
  
• You always go towards the light. And you make it eventually.
  
• You don't know what lies in front of you.
• You can no longer see what you've left behind.
• All you have is yourself in the present moment and all of your senses.

My advice: Darkness comes full circle just like the sun and the moon- and it will return. Remain hopeful in knowing that- while in the dark now- the sun will surely rise soon.

jams

amazing grace
how sweet the voice
that says she'll never give up.
Strength to stand strong
the day it was learned that life
became compromised.
never faltering. never losing hope.
never wishing It on anyone else.
hearing the voice that says This is the lesser evil.
with the blessing of spirit- of unconditional love-
maybe This was pushed so that gardens
with no roots
would not force through It alone.
grace. strength.
amazing amazing Beauty.

The Story

The Story (Live) by Brandi Carlile

sing your brains out and tell your story.
get it girrrrrrrrrlfriend.

Cinco

The rules: You may choose any five celebrities (or people of importance) to put on your list. This list is a 'get out of jail free' card and should you ever meet this person, you have the ok from your partner and the world to g e t i t o n. And your partner is obligated to be happy for you and eager to hear the story.

The Five may change at any time. However you cannot add a celebrity to the five and then hook up with them before telling your partner. Notice below, in my five, I have alternates. This list is subject to change without warning or hesitation when a hottie trots my way- but actions can only be taken once list is verified and approved by the aforementioned party (ball & chain).

1. Gerard Butler
2. Theo Epstein
3. Milo Ventimiglia
4. Justin Timberlake
   
5. Bradley Cooper
   
6. Dierks Bentley
7. Josh Turner
8. Taye Diggs
   
9. Mark Ruffalo
10. Leonardo DiCaprio
    

THIS LIST IS CURRENT AS OF 1/06/08

Hopes, Dreams and Hot Air

• Adventures > Boredom and Stagnation

• Independence < Dad making me breakfast
  

• Professionalism > Walking around the office barefoot

• Wealth = Love, family, friends

• Money < Happiness

• Creativity < Imagination < My overwhelming strangeness
  

• Publicly singing my brains out > / = Sharing my music with those forced to listen

• Tap Dancing in High Heels = The Secret to Rhythm in Bare Hallways

Unprofessional Fudge-ups

1. Breaking the toilet seat in half when I sat on it.
2. Pranking a coworker with a fake worm.
3. Pranking my boss with that same fake worm.
4. Telling people I work with that I voted for Bo Bice 23 times when he was on the Idol finals.
5. Belching loudly while the President of the company was on the phone in the next office. I could hear him sigh.
6. Hitting the high notes to Faith Hill's "Mississippi Girl" while the office was empty. Only it wasn't empty.
   
7. Tripping and falling while climbing the stairs to sit in on a meeting.
8. Yelling "Woohoo" in an interview. Twice.
9. Wearing black undies with my white skirt.
10. Putting "ya know, the good stuff" on my detailed billing report because I thought no one read it.
11. Sending a bio for approval and misspelling 'assets' as 'asses'.
12. Never. ever. attaching things when I e-mail them.
13. "I'm really glad you don't write the way you talk." -My boss, talking about my inability to finish a story or (practice) presentation without starting over and confusing people.
14. Walking around the office barefoot.
    

The fate of my taste buds

I don't go to the tanning bed often. When I do, though, it is 20 minutes in Heaven. Actually more like 18 or 19- that extra time can leave some serious burns. It's the price you pay to fry from the inside out. There is nothing incredibly special about the tanning bed. I go in wearing my undies. Some go in completely nekked. I tried that once but some places on my body were not meant to see sunlight- natural or artificial. So you go in and wear the goggles to protect your eyes. The weird thing is that behind the bulbs they have mirrors so I always see my reflection. If there is ever a time you would like to feel like an unattractive martian, open your eyes and look at yourself while tanning. Seriously. I heard once that the UV rays you're exposed to while in your sunshiney coffin whiten your teeth so I try to smile for at least eight minutes. Katie finds this hilarious, a Meghanism. But... my teeth are white now. I think.

One thing I look forward to when tanning is the gift you get. I usually forget about it until I open the door and see my little sugary present waiting for me on my towel. They give you a jolly rancher as a reward for exposing yourself to an unhealthy amount of UV rays. My favorite kind of jolly rancher is red. Actually it's the only kind I will eat. Much like Lifesavers... I only eat wild cherry. Miss Jackie, my coworker at Busch Gardens many summers ago, would buy LifeSavers every week and eat them at home. When we had the same shift she would give me a Ziplock full of the red ones that she had saved for me. Well if I get a red jolly rancher on my towel in the tanning bed, it's a good day. I can tell that my night will be eventful. For some reason, when it's a yellow, green, orange, or the excruciatingly similar pink color that gives me false excitement I feel as though it's a sign to go home and go to bed. If fate can't spare me a red jolly rancher as my random fortune teller, if the oompa loompas at the front desk can't recognize that I never eat the other colors and leave them behind, then I know that I should take it easy... just in case.

Guide to Your Fate
(as determined by colored Jolly Ranchers left on tanning beds)
Red: Great Night ahead of you. Take some chances... call your boy, drink a beer and write something outstanding. This would be an ideal time to search for cheap flights since your fortune is greater than any other nights. Note: Finding a red is more apt to happen on a Wednesday.
Orange: Proceed with caution. Be aware of the locations of loved ones and don't walk under bridges.
Pink: Please don't get excited, it's not a red. Just a cheap imitation. If it's been a bad day, eat it, you may enjoy it. However expect that the rest of your night, should you eat it, will be a cheap imitation of what a red can do.
Yellow: Just like a stoplight, slow down. Recommended bedtime is 10:12 p.m.
Green/Blue: Disgusting. The candy is probably poisoned, stay away.

Reminds me of a Movie

When a man drives a car that is low to the ground, a sports car, or red I think they resemble Stuart Little in his red Miata convertible. Vroom Vroom.